Also y’all
rewatching a lot of friends and diving into the Rachel/Joey tags always brings up one big issue for me
Rachel’s development and mental health
Because let’s be honest: the one thing we see with her over and over again is that she doesn’t really have control over her life, her choices etc. Not only because of the narrative shoehorning her into random situations which is off enough, but because of her background. Her family—especially her father—bossed her around a lot and took all the choices from her, which continued to be the narrative of her life until she took the initiative for the first time by running away from her wedding.
The entire first season (and part of the following ones) for Rachel was about her growing out of that helplessness and doing things on her own. But we still got glimpses of a girl who had never been taught to make her own choices. There is almost an entire episode dedicated to Monica, Phoebe and Rachel arguing over whether Rachel is a push-over, closing with the fact that, yeah she kind of is. Other episodes have her actively begging Monica to make choices for her because she doesn’t really know how to make (good) choices.
And knowing that makes Ross as her end-game SUCH a big red flag for me, because his entire persona is trying to control people in general but especially his girlfriends. And Rachel more than the others even. If we acknowledge the writers, I can only flip them off bc I have no words. If we don’t and pretend these are real people, hell, I can’t even blame Rachel for feeling drawn to that, because it’s what she knows, it’s what she is used to, that is comforting in a way, and it makes things easier. Easier than trying every day to break out of that habit and learn to be her own person throughout her adult life.
On the other hand, we got Joey, who supported her. When he was asked for advice he helped her find a solution, occasionally stepped in to fight her battles and protect her, but as a person in general, and especially as Rachel’s friend/partner etc, he does not actually try to control her. He made her experience some new things, try things out herself, invited her to live in his world where you can drop pasta on the ground without anyone being mad at you, live a comfortable life etc. He let her bounce ideas off him but did not tell her what she has to do, unless it was a moral conflict of “you have to tell him the uncomfortable thing” they all preach from time to time.
Plus, come on. When Rachel got pregnant, Joey stepped up instantly, proposed, ready to step in as father and husband, then beat himself up for falling for a friend who was with another friend, told Ross he could punch him and that he wouldn’t act on it because it’s not his place. He was ready to step back.
Meanwhile, Ross learned he was going to have a child, told Rachel off for going on a date once, but then instantly hopped into a date himself.
TL;DR fuck Ross, Rachel should have gotten with Joey and been happy